Republican Jesus ™

Author: June 16, 2013 1:06 pm

republican jesus

Or  “How I Learned to Stop Thinking for Myself and Just Trust Republican Jesus.”

When I was a kid, I was taught that the Pilgrims fled to the New World to escape religious persecution. Somewhere in there, I learned that we don’t have a national religion and people were free to practice whatever religion they wanted. That was kind of it as far as religion went in my history classes and overall education. Sure, Jews were mentioned in the context of the Holocaust but more as a race than a religion. I did, however, attend Synagogue for a few years as an adolescent. I viewed it more as learning my heritage as opposed to actively worshiping. Even then, I was not inclined towards belief. Probably because my parents were more interested in making sure I was curious about stuff instead of learning any particular dogma. Religion was, for me, just something that other people did. It would be many years before I understood I was an atheist and even more years until I stumbled across Dawkins, Hitchens, et. al and learned how to verbalize it.

Through all of this, it never occurred to me that I would ever have to worry about a particular set of religious values being forced upon me. I always assumed that religion was a private thing, practiced in one’s home or place of worship. That was it. Even in college, I rarely came across any real religious zeal. I once took a trip down to Washington DC with the Young Republicans club because they were my friends and they invited me to go. I got to meet Oliver North (yay me?) who was so exact in his pose with each of us, from me at 6’2” to little Jen, all of 5’1”, that to this day, I cannot convince people the pictures are not of us next to a cardboard cutout.

But even with the Young Republicans during that first Bush presidency, I wasn’t assaulted with any kind of religious politics. I did find a good deal of racism which gave me a big clue about how Republicans see the world. I was totally apolitical at the time and had no idea what the difference between a Democrat and a Republican was. I didn’t read, or watch, the news and no one had ever mentioned it in any of my classes. My political education was also sorely lacking. It irritates me when I think back on it.

Fast forward to the George W. Bush years. I had been aware of the Evangelical movement back in the 80s but Creationism still wasn’t being taught in schools and Roe v. Wade hadn’t been overturned on religious grounds. But during Bush’s tenure, I started hearing the more than occasional remark about how not believing in God makes you a bad American and if you were a LIBERAL that didn’t believe in God? Scum of the Earth!

Wait a minute. Not believing in God (or, more precisely, not believing in a very specific version of God) makes me a bad American? How does that even work? This country was founded on religious freedom and the explicit separation of Church and State, wasn’t it? And that’s when I became acquainted with Republican Jesus ™.

Who the hell is Republican Jesus ™?

Republican Jesus ™ is very different than the Jesus you and I are familiar with. First off, he is White. Not just white, but White. Republican Jesus ™ has a special place in his heart for America. Specifically, White America. Do you doubt this? Ask yourself why anyone who believes in a colorblind Jesus would even conceive of praying for the death of Obama? No, only those who follow Republican Jesus ™ would even think that such a prayer could, or should, be answered. If you are currently thinking that racism has nothing to do with the unprecedented hatred of Obama, go away, I’m talking to the grownups.

Republican Jesus ™, by the way, is a big supporter of the Confederacy. Why he let them lose the War of Northern Aggression is a mystery. But all “real” Americans know that the South will rise again and Republican Jesus ™ will lead the way back to glory. Or something like that.  How the Northern and Mid-western Red states fit into this Southern revival is also a mystery.

Republican Jesus ™ loves guns. Loves them! Never mind all that silly talk of beating swords into plowshares! Every good member of the church of Republican Jesus ™ should have, at minimum, enough armament to hold off an invasion by those commie Nazi liberal hordes that are coming any day now. Or the ATF, whichever shows up first. Or maybe just enough to wipe out a schoolroom filled with kids when their excellent parenting skills manifest themselves in the next Columbine tragedy.

Remember, conservatives, to complain about anti-bullying programs being government overreach afterwards!

Republican Jesus ™ loves the rich. Ignore that whole “camel through the eye of a needle” garbage. Republican Jesus ™ wants you to be prosperous! It’s called “prosperity theology” and it percolates throughout the conservative religious fervor. God rewards the faithful with material wealth. Very spiritual stuff. If your idea of spiritual is a McMansion.

But Republican Jesus ™ is not just about love. Republican Jesus ™ also hates and, boy, does he hate!

Republican Jesus ™ hates the poor. This is the flip side of “prosperity theology”. If God rewards the faithful with riches, than the poor are obviously NOT of the faith and deserve what they get. This is, in part, why conservatives hate the social safety nets of welfare, food stamps and Medicaid. Those (and by “those” I mean those) people don’t worship Republican Jesus ™ and are unworthy of being helped. Besides if you feed them, they’ll just breed!

Republican Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer of South Carolina actually said that. And he meant it.

Republican Jesus ™ hates The Gay. They’re sinners, after all.  It says so right there in the Bible next to the part about shellfish being an abomination.  Nothing demonstrates the compassionate conservatives’ dedication to the teachings of Republican Jesus ™ like blocking legislation for same sex marriage and calling homosexuals pedophiles while enjoying a nice shrimp cocktail before a delicious lobster dinner.

Also, Republican Jesus ™ gave us AIDS, and STDs in general, as punishment for homosexuality. Of course, this ignores the fact that lesbians (a well-known subset of homosexuality) have the lowest rate of STDs, including AIDS, among all adult population groups. So as far as punishment goes, half of the “sinners” are better off than the rest of us, statistically speaking. Maybe Republican Jesus ™ likes him some girl on girl action?

Republican Jesus ™ hates Muslims. Muslims are scary because some of them do bad things to innocent people. That makes them all evil terrorists. This is not to be confused with White Christian Militia types who blow up abortion clinics or plot political assassinations in Republican Jesus’ ™ name. Those people are martyrs and heroes. Or they were crazy lone wolves having nothing to do with Republican Jesus ™. It depends on which channel you’re interviewing on, Fox or MSNBC.

Republican Jesus ™ totally hates Liberals. Liberals are the pawns of Satan George Soros trying to destroy the greatest country ever made on this 6000 year old planet (conservative moderates are almost as bad and must be expunged!). Compromising with a Liberal is a terrible sin in the eyes of Republican Jesus ™ and must not be tolerated.

Finally, Republican Jesus ™ hates science. With a passion bordering on obsession.  And that’s the topic of my next ivory tower snobby liberal thesis:  “Why DO conservatives hate science so much?”  Or “How I learned not to learn and trust my beer gut instead.”

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212 Comments

  • I happen to be English and the part the Puritans played in the aftermath of our Civil War in trying to create a theocracy is infamous. They banned all music and dancing. No theatres, no drinking. Even went so far as to ban Christmas (good point to beat Palin supporters with). As well as persecuted women and anyone who disagreed with them. Their attempts here failed so they had their own Year Zero and came to New England. Teabaggers and Taliban really are soulmates.

  • ‘When I was a kid, I was taught that the Pilgrims fled to the New World to escape religious persecution. ‘ Well no. That is what you would have been taught but the Puritans left Europe in order to be free to PERSECUTE OTHERS. They objected to the new religious freedoms such as no longer burning Catholics. Hence Salem for instance. THAT is the whirlwind being reaped now.

  • Whats up with that

    It must have been Republican Jesus who said~ “Suffer; the little children”

  • And George W. Bu$h is his profit!

  • This is why all religion needs to be stamped out, and theists must be helped to not believe.

    • Asheville Jack

      …and how do you suggest that all religions, and those who believe in a particular religion, should be “stamped out,”

      …and how should theist be helped not to believe?

      Isn’t religious Intolerance just another form of subjugation?

      By the way, while both Jefferson and Washington were members of a church (for political and economic reasons, among others)their writing tend to support the idea that both were deist, believers in God. And without these two men the Colonies would still be part of the British Commonwealth.

    • socialdeviance13

      Um, excuse me? Thanks to the Constitution, I have the freedom of religion. That means I can believe what I want, how I want, when I want. That means neither you nor anybody else can expect me to conform to their beliefs. So thank you very much, but shove your religion (because the way you’re presenting it is just as evangelical as Christianity and Islam) up your sphincter and hold it. That seems to be where your opinion came from anyway.

      • Religion to me simply involves my personal and naked relationship to God. My relationship is not anyone else’s business. The idea that another person or block of persons can hold sway over MY relationship is hateful to me.
        And what is their interest in my journey as a Christian? Why would they care? The answer is that they cannot stand anyone different than them. But even that becomes complicated when their own issues are carefully hidden from others.
        Jesus warned us about the Pharisees who thought themselves “holier than thou”. We have Pharisees in our midst. WE ARE WITNESSING THE FORMATION OF THE AMERICAN TALIBAN IN OUR MIDST.

  • There ARE no extremists on the left. Just another false-equivalency argument meant to muddy the waters and confuse the masses. Same thing with the myth of the “liberal media”..they as much as admitted it a few weeks ago when somebody on Faux News accidentally oops’ed it out that the media is anything BUT. Don’t remember who it was or exactly what was said but can be found online on a “progressive” website. Crooks and Liars comes to mind…google it.

    • Atually, there are extremists on the left.
      The difference is, Democratic party leaders and politicians pay them no heed.
      Example: Everyone on the right except the really old school badass conservatives of yesteryear, believe in creationism, no climate change and that Obama is a Muslim and a foreigner. From Congressmen to presidential candidates, they are ON RECORD as saying they believe these things and more.

      You don’t see any Democrat declaring that they believe Bush, Cheney and Tony Blair plotted 9-11. Or that Cheney planned for the rest of the buildings to fall along with the twin towers.

      THAT’s the difference between right and left. The right’s leaders actually believe the lunacy of the far right. While the left’s leaders don’t waste their breath or time on the lunacy of the far left.

  • The fallacy here is that our government is an expression of our religous beliefs. Jesus said “give unto Ceasar what is Caesar” not “I want to be the new caesar”.

    Jesus didn’t use coercian, his followers did what he said of their own volition. The government takes by the point of a gun how much it wants to do what it wants to do. big difference.

    This also isn’t as good as Al Frankens “Supply Side Jesus” but he’s a pro.

    • “The government takes by the point of a gun how much it wants to do what it wants to do.”

      The fallacy here is the assumption that the government is a distinct entity with some manner of its own independent of the will of the populace. It does not take at the point of a gun, it does not take whatever ‘it’ likes and it does not do whatever ‘it’ wants to do. ‘It’ (and by which we should remember we mean ‘they’) represents the will of the citizenry, and levies taxes as per the powers granted by the US Constitution. Big difference.

      Also, if the government says: Don’t Kill People, and this is compatible with the teachings of Jesus, why is it you don’t witter on about how the government forces us to adhere to this wisdom by the point of a gun?

      Your comment isn’t as good as Glenn Beck’s, but he’s a pro.

  • Is that comic and article made to troll people, I’ve never even seen this. Sure people not any specific political party are a terrible representation of Jesus and God(They even made a documentary called “Jesus Save us from your Followers”, about it, which I loved and it gave me good insight).[Of coarse I realize the unwanted cliche's that come with some denominations] People that are “educated” to preach are more likely preaching lies and not listening to God.

    These comics look like 4Chan material, sadly.

  • “Wait a minute. Not believing in God (or, more precisely, not believing in a very specific version of God) makes me a bad American? How does that even work?”

    It doesn’t. It’s a bald faced lie. It’s never EVER been that way.

    But you can’t tell no-information voters that. They don’t care. They have a ‘gut’ feeling about reality, which is not anything like the collective reality intelligent people share.

    It’s time to vehemently trash stupid people from defining reality. Religious people have no business telling the rest of us what’s real and what’s not real. Never listen to anyone who ardently believes that Bronze Age mythology has more weight than the Age of Enlightenment, the Age of Science, the Renaissance, the Space Age and the Information Age combined. THEY are the stupid ones.

  • Joel Osteen of Lakewood Church in Houston does nothing but preach if you work hard you will be rewarded with money and material things here on Earth. Sorry, but that is not what the Jesus of the Bible taught at all. In fact, isn’t there a little passage about “Go, Sell your possessions and you will have riches in heaven” that Jesus spoke to a rich man? There’s also something about a camel having an easier time going through the eye of a needle than a rich man getting into heaven…. HUMMMMM. I don’t think these rich folks are Christians at all….. They are having their heaven here on Earth because they don’t trust having one after…… Pure and Simple, they don’t really believe, but they believe they deserve more and more…… the old Greed factor.

  • The pilgrims did not come to America. They were deported, THROWN OUT out of England. They came here looking for religious freedom just like UFOs go to Arkansas looking for intelligent life. The Puritans wasted no time in establishing their own brand of ‘Shariah’ law, stoning, public beatings, hangings and my personal favorite, witch burning.
    Honestly, if you could round up all the intolerant zealots in our society (Perry, Bachman, O’Donnell, Gingrich, Kyl, Cheney, Santorum, hmm, what do they all have in common?) and put them on a boat for the other side of the planet, wouldn’t you? If only it were so easy to hit that flush handle.
    But who would take them?

    • Actually the “pilgrims” were not deported. They were living in Holland by choice because of the practices of Henry the VIII. The people thought that the king was making a mockery out of their belief system and spoke out against this. They were known as separatist. While living in Holland, which didn’t have a state sponsored religion, they were allowed to practice their faith as they see fit. Now, years have gone by and now these English men and women are having families, and their children are picking up the language, customs and values of the Dutch hosts. These proud English parents thought that this was horrible and decided to find a way out of Holland. They couldn’t return to England because of the religious problems so they entered into a deal with a company that agreed to send them over to the New World on two ships, the Mayflower and the Speedwell. Amongst the separatist were also Anglicans, the followers of the Church of England. The Speedwell was forced to return to England due to sabotage by the ship’s captain and the Mayflower continued on. When arriving in the Massachusetts area, by accident because they were blown off course during a storm they explored the Cape Cod area, stealing corn and other Native American caches that they discovered. Before settling and building their settlement, the wrote and signed an agreement between the separatists and the Anglicans called the Mayflower Compact. It was the first document that called for compromise between both groups, to work together for the common good.

  • Good article. One note: there is no “explicit” statement for the separation of church and state, it has been implied from the “shall not found” portion of the first amendment. The founders acknowledged there was going to be mixing (after all people have religious beliefs (atheism is a religion in the sense that it is a belief in no higher power), and these will influence how they act in the public sphere). Otherwise a good write-up.

    • Erik, have you ever read the US constitution in full, as well as enactment statutes and correspondence between the founding fathers on the matter of principle of church/state separation?… That’s just one thing. America was founded in the very beginning as a secular nation where church was fully separate from matters of state. Don’t take my word on it – do some history digging up… It’s a common, albeit incorrect, misconception to presume that there was no church/state separation intended.

      On your point of atheism being a religion… This is one of the most ridiculous claims out there that people have banged into their heads for some magical reasons… In fact, atheism as a word should not even need to exist at all, for it is nothing but the absence of belief – which we are all born with, by the way. It’s just as “logical” a label as calling someone who is not a scientist an “ascientist”, then organizing all proclaimed “ascientists” into groups and building “ascientists unite” websites :). In other words: ridiculous. So if you want to sound a bit more informed in your opinions, please refrain in the future from labeling the NATURAL ABSENCE of belief in a personal deity as some form of “belief” or “religion” – it is simply grossly incorrect.

      (p.s. caps are in only for word emphasis, as making them bold doesn’t work in comments :) )

      • “Faith is like love, it cannot be forced. Therefore it is a dangerous operation if an attempt be made to introduce or bind it by state regulations; for, as the attempt to force love begets hatred, so also to compel religious belief produces rank unbelief.” Schopenhauer

        While I agree that atheism cannot be a religion by its very definition, your argument is faulty on many levels. Atheist is a perfectly legitimate word. A person can be a theist or atheist. Just as a person can subscribe to a set of morals, and be either moral, or immoral. But that person could also refuse to subscribe to that set of morals entirely, and thus be amoral. Music can follow a set of modes and scales that are related to each other. That would be tonal music. Music can also follow no set pattern or rhythm, or more commonly fall outside the established patterns. That music would be atonal.

        And what basis do you have for saying that non belief is our natural state at birth? Are you saying faith is learned? Are you saying belief in a higher power is taught? Jung, Schopenhauer, Einstein, Plato, Aristotle, and quite a few more ‘informed’ people would disagree with you, so you might want to tone down the attack on someone’s else’s thought process, because your argument would need a few semester’s maturity to even qualify as sophmoric. I do not subscribe to any religion, but I am not atheist. My first critical memory was of rejecting the religion I was born into, and that was quite young. I did however, have the sense that there was an organizing principle to the universe (of course I just called it god at that age). I just didn’t think the people who were telling me what it was, and what it wanted me to do were right.

        • Sorry Tom. Leah is right in saying that atheism is the natural state of belief. If we were born with belief, we would find a natural variation in the religions people adhered to, regardless of which set of belief their parents subscribed to.

          Besides, the analogy with morality (moral, immoral and amoral) or music (tonal and atonal) is incorrect. To be tonal or atonal, an attempt to make music (or at least sound) is required. To be moral or immoral, one not only needs a set of moral principles but also needs to perform an action which can then be judged by the applicable yardstick of morality.

          Clearly, it is a positive action or belief that can be ‘named’. Lack of action or Rejection of a belief does not necessitate such ‘naming’.

          While I agree with you that ‘atheist’ is a legitimate word, its legitimacy is valid in a much broader sense than what people assume. e.g. Every Christian is an atheist w.r.t. Islam. And the same applies to all religions that a religious fellow does not subscribe to.

          Therefore, it is ridiculous to classify atheism as a religion as Eric did above.

    • Atheism is no more a religion than not collecting stamps is a hobby.

  • fo shizzle my nizzle

    Warning: Sarcastic comment ahead.

    Obama is half black and half white. I cannot be a racist if I am a white or black man if I do or do not support an Oreo President.

    People like to pretend that Obama is black. I think this is because he plays basketball and has a black wife. But what if he played ice hockey and had a white wife? His kids would be 3/4 white instead of 3/4 black and his relatives who are here illegally would have jobs and not be on welfare. So how can I be a racist if I don’t like the 50/50 President? I don’t like his policies. I might like him more if he played in the NBA and dunked on Kobe. But make no mistake about it, his momma was as white as David Duke’s rear end.

    • Mr. Nizzle,

      I find your comment almost as disturbing as this liberal scums article. The problem with you and the author, is that you have no purpose in life other than leeching off of the working succussful class. Obama is not the issue, the issue is that you are a racist. Republican Jesus is a tool of Satan to distract your perverted minds from seeing the truth. You and the author are what is wrong with America; you both have no moral compass and you think you are entitled to other people’s money because you went to some scum bag liberal college and learned about how to leach off of the system. I am sure that Pat Roberts would pray for your assassination if he knew who you were.

      Jews for Republican Jesus!!

      • This article is illustrating that the so-called Christian Right FLAT OUT IGNORES CHRISTIAN TEACHINGS (or morals of any kind, for that matter), and you have the NERVE to accuse the author of being immoral?

      • Ah the great threat of prayer! Aren’t you done threatening you kids with the eternal hellfire?

      • I am not a Christian, because I refuse to bend knee to someone so pathetically insecure that they have to threaten me with eternal punishment to get me to love them. Pardon me now, while I go back to sitting on my ass enjoying this fat check the government deposits every month for protecting your right to be a douche bag.

  • This is for Joy who posted a question about Holy War way back in April. Not sure where this comment will end up.

    One Holy War would be the one that the Radical Christian Right is waging even now against women. Despite the hypocrisy of women like Palen, Bachmann, O’Donell, et al, they want women’s roles to be as in the Bible: meak, quiet and subservient to men.

    They certainly will repeal Roe v. Wade. Few people really grasp the full repercussions of making abortion, and possibly some forms of contraception like The Pill illegal (if human life is legally determined to begin at conception as, many RTLers believe).

    Consider what that means if a woman has a miscarriage. If it is known she was pregnant, the death will have to be investigated to make sure she isn’t guilty of aborting. If a doctor or investigator deems she was not careful enough of her pregnancy (think of all the new regs!), she could be charged with manslaughter or negligent homicide

    Women, even those who want a baby will try to keep pregnancies secret, meaning throwing up at work could get you reported, just in case. Women may be required to get tested and register when they get pregnant. Doctors will be required to report positive pregnancy tests. Stay on the good side of your religious In-laws because if you miscarry, they may report you for jogging while pregnant.

    Will pregnancy out of wedlock result in criminal prosecution or fines; or forced marriages/adoptions as it was up thru the 1950s? Will women, like Vietnam draft avoiders, flee to Canada?

    This is just the tip of the iceberg because while the Christian Right may appear united now, just wait until all those nitpicky sects try to establish Biblical interpretations into laws. It will tear this country into shreds and there will be no more United states, just endless wars over who gets to be in charge of passing the collection plate and the Kool Aid.

    • “they want women’s roles to be as in the Bible: meak, quiet and subservient to men.”

      If that were true they would be in their homes cooking dinner and be on their knees when the husband comes home.
      Make no mistake LibProud, these are power hungry bitches! Just as mean, nasty and vile as their male counterparts.
      It’s never been about Christian, bible, or even right and wrong, it’s always been about power and suppression. period

    • not to worry…
      With population at 7bil and counting, abortion won’t be needed to cull the population.

    • Yes – all that could happen. Margaret Atwood’s futuristic novel “The Handmaiden’s Tale” was possibly prophetic.

      • You’re right, Aideen. But it is already happening. In Texas the state prosecutor has already instigated investigations on several women who “claimed” to have had “miscarriages” because he thinks they may have had illegal abortions instead.

  • Is that really how you were taught history? That the pilgrims came over for religious freedom for all? Actually, they came to America for freedom to practice THEIR religion. The puritans were pretty strict, religious dissenters were banished.. such as to Rhode Island. Ever heard of Roger Williams? Anne Hutchinson? Next time you publish an article, how about getting your facts straight instead of twisting them to fit your purpose?

    • Speaking of twisting the facts……

      Yes, the Puritans fled religious persecution because they sought freedom from religion. They wanted the freedom to worship as they saw fit, and the only way they could achieve this is by fleeing to the New Land.

      However, that does not make the United States a theocracy — or a country formed upon a theocracy — by association. Please, do yourself a favor and look up the Treaty of Tripoli. Go ahead, right now. I’ll wait.

      See what I mean? The infamous Founding Fathers — explicitly! — stated that this country was not “in any sense founded on the Christian religion”. Please, feel free to argue your way out of that one.

      • Correct! Neither the Puritans nor the Pilgrims were extant at the time the US Constitution was put into effect. They had long since disappeared from the face of the earth.

        Anyone who says that because of those two groups, that the ‘US is a Christian nation’ has bought David Barton’s lies lock, stock and barrel and have no idea the historical timeline associated with those religious nutcases and the time that the Founding Fathers gathered to remove us from England’s bad politics of the time.

    • He said that he was TAUGHT that the Pilgrims came here to exercise religious freedom, not that he was taught the TRUTH. Most of us heard the “they came to flee oppression” story in school, thank you very much. My father- an educated man who was raised in the 40′s- learned NO other story during his entire lower education. I didn’t learn a DIFFERENT story until Junior High and guess what? I learned it ON MY OWN, not in school.

      Perhaps you would do better attacking points that AREN’T subjective (like what ONE PERSON learned in a school you didn’t GO TO). It might make you seem less deliberately confrontational.

    • “Next time you publish an article, how about getting your facts straight instead of twisting them to fit your purpose?”

      Someone shoulda told Michelle Backman the same thing about speeches….mistaking John Wayne for John Wayne Gasey…not having a clue where the shot heard round the world was actually fired, etc, etc. etc!

  • Eric R. Clark

    I’ve only read through about half of the commentary to this post. I am impressed with the biblical knowledge of the posters. I’ve read and re-read the old and new testemnts and the only things that resonated with me were printed in red in my bible. I don’t consider myself a christian but I live in a very christian world and view Christ as a major contributor to understanding “god”. Also a liberal so I really don’t like what I see coming out of the Christian Right. It is an evil if compared to the red words of the bible. EVIL!, Evil, I tell you!

  • When I was a kid, I figured that the bible was written by a few guys in a garage sitting around on orange crates, drinking soda pops, telling each other stories and writing them down. That’s no more ridiculous than other theories.

  • I find it ironic and hilarious that an Ann Coulter ad is stuck in between the main content and comments…

  • Stephen Trusas

    First, you have to stop and look at the deep emotional problem that Speaker Of The House, John “Boner” Boehner has. It is not normal for a grown man to suddenly burst into tears in front of Reporters when he opens his front door. It’s evident that he’s not right in the head. The GOP should have given him time off and gently steered him to a Psychiatrist for evaluation.

    With serious emotional problems clouding his thinking, he should not be advising his Colleagues on what actions need to be taken to address the Nations problems.

    It’s obvious that he’s not thinking clearly and the rest of the Republican Party should be careful on acting on his opinions and ideas. If I cried at work for no apparent reason, you can bet your sweet little behind that my employer would put me on Medical Leave.

  • To start off, I am a Christian with no political ties because Democrats epitomize almost everything a Christian who has actually read the ENTIRE Bible should stand against. Republicans are making people like me look lime bumbling fools because I stand loud and proud to say I’m a Christian. So if you cannot stand the thought of anything I am going to say based on my beliefs than I advise you to stop here.

    I believe Jesus would not think flaming and criticising people on a website is right. That said I won’t flame any of these people who have so adequately represented our religion. Or anybody who has talked about how unyielding and un-Christian Christians are nowadays.
    I also won’t point out what my church or I do for other people. Im of the opinion that actions speak louder than words ( part of my terrible untolerant religion).
    I will say this: God is not, should not, and never should be used as a term for a political candidate to bandy about to get extra votes. That is another part of my horrid religion. In my Bible you shouldn’t take the name of the Lord in vain.. And using His name to elevate you is smacking of vanity.
    I don’t understand how seafood got into the topic much farther up… See, a little known fact is that all those food restrictions are for God’s people, Hebrews (Jews). Anyone not Jewish is a gentile, so pretty much we can’t be defiled by those foods because as Gentiles we are already defiled. For the inevitable backlash off the last part, Jews aren’t superior, just God’s chosen. Hard to explain to someone not as well versed as I in the Bible. But feel free to email me if you wish for me to explain.
    Next, the so-called Republican Jesus is a creation of media.. Nobody goes home at night and prays to it. What it is: another attack on an opposite point of view. Hurts but it’s true.
    The real problem is so much collective “I’m right your wrong end of story”.
    It started with the American Revolution ( I want no taxes and I will fight for my right to say no) and goes on today. In truth it is hate. The largest majority of Americans are harboring a huge amount of hate in their heart and won’t admit it. It comes from our “American Pride”. Before I go any further, I will add I am the biggest, most proud American around. I love my country more than anything else, hence my lengthy response on here. But most Americans are going way beyond pride, they go to extremist hate; hence the various home grown terrorist we have had,( John Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, etc.)
    Then we go onto the biggest result of those people, gun hate. We hate guns because the kill people and poor little bunnies.
    For those into Gun Control, if we make guns banned, we will still have criminals, we will still have THIEVES, and they will not give up said gun, then the rest of us do our duty and give up ours.. We are screwed when they hold us up for money. What do we do? Call the cops? Waiting 2-15 minutes. A bullet goes 1400 feet per second.. Dont think cops are gonna make it.
    Give them money? I guess giving to the poor just got easier!

    Onto the comment about hatred of Obama being about racism? Haha. I, for one, dislike Obama because the policies he is enforcing ( with the help of the sorry-butt republicans and democrats). I’m a realist. He is screwing our country. By 2012 I predict he will have matched George on screw ups. Go ahead obama fanatics point out everything he has done good. I like to look at the bad thing and good things, put them on a scale and see which one wins. I won’t tell you where it’s leaning.

    I think my points are about finished so I’m done. Let the flaming begin.
    If you have something worth debating with me please email me at will_and_anna@hotmail.com

    • Julie Campbell

      Just one question: how do you decide which rules in “your” bible apply to everyone and which to just the Hebrews?

    • you said, “I don’t understand how seafood got into the topic much farther up… See, a little known fact is that all those food restrictions are for God’s people, Hebrews (Jews). Anyone not Jewish is a gentile, so pretty much we can’t be defiled by those foods because as Gentiles we are already defiled. For the inevitable backlash off the last part, Jews aren’t superior, just God’s chosen.”

      So if the food restrictions are only for the Jewish does that mean that the rest of the rules and laws from the Old Testament are only for the Jews? Or is it okay to pick and choose which ones apply to just Jews and which ones apply to everyone?

      • Considering the audience that was being spoken to was comprised only of Jews, yes. And as the poster stated, if you don’t understand this, you have to be well-versed in the Bible to understand that, and it’ll probably take much more length than what’s already contained in all these posts just to explain it. Or you could just fast-forward to the New Testament and read where it talks about the Old Law applying only to Jews whereas Christianity applies to everyone (e.g., Acts 15).

    • Just one question… if Jesus returns, do you think he’ll buy a gun to protect himself from the criminals who might try to kill him?

    • So the bible is against helping out the poor and needy? The bible is against peace?

    • Regarding shellfish, it was an admirable attempt on your part to muddy the waters, but the point in the article is pretty clear.

      If the bits apply that say that homosexuality is wrong, then so do the shellfish bits. If, on the other hand, it’s all old laws that don’t need to be followed by Christians, then the bit about homosexuality being wrong doesn’t apply, either.

      The article was pretty clear on that point, and the only logical conclusions one could come to regarding your misrepresentation of the whole thing is either that you aren’t a very thorough reader, or that you had no good point, wanted to appear indignant to give moral weight to your arguments, and intentionally misrepresented the whole thing, in the best traditions of the reactionary Christian. I hate assuming that people online are less intelligent, so I’m going with the latter conclusion.

      So good try, but your response is completely irrelevant to the article itself.

    • The racism issue is brought up because policy wise, Obama’s really not doing anything that radical one way or another, yet the far-right has been LIVID with him from day one.

      And we won’t even get into how openly racist the Tea Party has always been.

  • Your Republican Jesus cartoon in a suit & tie is quite true … except … I’ve been told by many a Fundy who has knocked on my door, that when Jesus comes back, he’ll be clean-cut and non-bearded. The only reason (they say) that he had a beard and long hair is because it was the FASHION of the time.

    And as you know, Jesus wants to be fashionable.

  • I’m not a Christian, but I’ve stood up for Christianity and every other religion all my life in the face of intolerant atheism (and you know, atheists are pretty short on inclusiveness themselves…) These days, however, the Tea Party bigots are making my job harder and harder – and make no mistake: “Tea Partier” and “close-minded bigot” are 100% synonymous. If only some REASONABLE Christians, Muslims, etc. had the resonance and charisma of a Michelle Bachman or a Sarah Palin to at least offer an alternative to their gun-toting, racist, xenophobic vitriol…

    • Wow! How noble! I wish you all the luck in your support of all religions in the face of atheism.

      Intolerant atheists? Haven’t heard of them. Looks like their intellectual riddles are more threatening to you than guns wielded by Evangelical mobs.

      No wonder atheists aren’t too inclusive. They have been surviving on so little space for these bygone millenia, there is hardly anything left to include non-atheists.

  • Scott Amundsen

    This sums up the followers of Republican Jesus quite well, and despite thousands upon thousands of complaints over the last couple of years, Facebook has yet to take this hateful, awful page down.

    http://www.facebook.com/pages/DEAR-LORD-THIS-YEAR-YOU-TOOK-MY-FAVORITE-ACTOR-PATRICK-SWAYZIE-YOU-TOOK-MY-FAVORITE-ACTRESS-FARAH-FAWCETT-YOU-TOOK-MY-FAVORITE-SINGER-MICHAEL-JACKSON-I-JUST-WANTED-TO-LET-YOU-KNOW-MY-FAVORITE-PRESIDENT-IS-BARACK-OBAMA-AMEN/111712585523370

    • I went to the page and reported it (probably along with thousands of others whose outrage is being ignored by FB, because the page has over a million Friends….)

      Bet if the Secret Service wanted it off there, it would be gone. OTOH, maybe they’re letting it stay on FB to keep an eye on these wanna-be assassins.

  • @Justin “Filthy Liberal Scum” Rosario: I am hugging you right now. Thank you. That made my day suck a whole lot less.

  • I am a Christian and a liberal. According to some members of each group, I can’t possibly be both. I pray for the rise of the Christian Left, all couple dozen of us.

    • Me too! I mostly get attacked by the ultra conservative right. I’ve been called a baby killer, that I stand for nothing because I support our president, that I am insane, and that I can’t possibly be a Christian because I am a democrat.

  • Living in the south it dawned on me . How can you be a racist antisemitite that worships a brown skined jew .
    Maybe thats why the pictures and statues of jesus all look like Jeffry Hunter .
    blue eyes
    white skin
    long light colored hair
    instead of
    olive skin
    black short hair
    thin wirey beard

  • Jane K. Lippincott

    Very refreshing site. The comments are great too. I’m now just figuring how many folks to forward the link to. What a great gift of outrageous thinking, truths and of course semi-truths.
    Thanks, Shikitino, Kandy Lippincott

  • the author writes:
    “Besides if you feed them, they’ll just breed!”
    they DO want workers to breed, they just don’t want to have to feed them to get their slave labor force at the same time!

  • W (not that one)

    you just made my day!

  • I wish you had trade marked “Conservative Jesus” versus Republican Jesus. I know Republicans who are very empathic and socially responsible really need some encouragement to be the leaven in their loaf. Likewise, there are Democratic Party members who worship Conservative Jesus. Nevertheless, you have nailed (no pun intended) the conservative “moral” worldview.

    Progressives have a moral worldview based on the core value of empathy, the soul of democracy, caring for your fellow citizens, leading to freedom and fairness for all.

    Also, there IS a school of thought that says a “Conservative God” and a “Progressive God” debating might be even more effective to highlight the very different moral worldviews that inform the way we govern.

    Right now the language of Conservative God is dominating our debate, even among progressives who don’t know negating Conservative God’s language only reinforces that idea in the brains of Americans. We need to be using the language of Progressive God.

    • I think the point is for those Republicans to TAKE BACK THEIR PARTY from Republican Jesus. Or, barring that LEAVE the party. If you are part of an organization that has been taken over by a fringe, fanatical element, you are part of the problem until you get on the side of the solution. If all the thinking Republicans, whose parents voted for Eisenhower, were to voice their concerns and DENOUNCE the racism, bigotry, theocratic pandering members, then people would separate the nuts from the people who just disagree.

  • Duane Harnes

    Great piece and great thread. Very entertaining and horrifying all at the same time. I would only add:
    1) No evidence that Jesus actually existed. He is mentioned in the Bible, koran, and Book Of Mormon, all religious documents that are unsupported.
    2) The greatest story ever told was told and re-told for thousands of years before the time of “Jesus”.

  • Amusing? Yes.

    Accurate? Not if you are attempting to tar & feather every Republican, and Conservative, in the nation, just as not every Liberal leans so far over that they will bump their head on the floor if not careful.

    Thank you for articulating so concisely and accurately the insanity that is the Liberal, Socialist, Far Left Movement in America today.

    My Father fled the evils of Socialism, in Yugoslavia, after WW2, for the Freedom of America, and would be sick to his stomach at what this country has become, and who we have elected our President, if he were alive today.

    I’ll freely admit to having went from being a Reagan Democrat, to a Clintonista, but I eventually came to my senses as the 20th, became the 21st, century. ;-D

    With age come wisdom…to most folks, anyway. ;-D

    • Yugoslavia was never a socialist country, it was a communist country, and more accurately, a dictatorship. There is socialism, by pure definition, in any government on earth, you wish to pick? Pull out your dictionary and check it out, and then, with age, will surely come wisdom?

      • Julie Campbell

        I have yet to meet one person who fears the “red menace” who knows the difference between economic and political systems or has any idea that Communism and Socialism are not synonymous. Unfortunately, they are so confident in their “knowledge” that they are, for the most part, totally unteachable.

    • I’m sure your father would be sick that there are people trying to dismantle everything his generation worked for. Like our social safety nets, unions etc.

    • This is VERY accurate — and ironically you just helped to demonstrate why.

      Jesus REPEATEDLY taught His followers to live in what is now considered a left-wing/socialist way — to reach out to others, help the poor, freely heal the sick, live a non-material life, etc. Yet according to you, this is akin to genocide.

  • David Weiser

    Thank you Republican Jesus! I’m saved! I’m now a thoughtless, selfish, hypocritical lout

  • Killer. I love it. From the history lessons, I can see we’re from the same time period in public school education. I learned more than I care to think about…

  • Everyday, I read from the Encyclopedia of Great Quotations, and wanted to share this quote from 1857. If you change a couple of words, it almost reads like the conservative speak of our time…

    “We warn the North that every one of the leading abolitionists is agitating the negro slavery question merely as a means to attain their ulterior ends…a surrender to the Socialism and Communism-to no private property, no church, no law; to free love, free lands, free women and free children.”
    - George Fitzhugh, Southern Economist

  • //Loved the above article and thoughts. I have been trying to figure out for many years how many people who profess to be great Christians act so far from Christ’s teachings//

    BINGO, Mr. Wendt.

  • Methinks jcquick – isn’t. Its not that itsJesus who glorifies the rich, its Republicans. Hence, why he’s Republican Jesus.
    Jesus, can’t believe I’d have to explain that. LOL

  • As Max Von Sydow said in HANNAH AND HER SISTERS: “If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he’d never stop throwing up.” One of the best postings I have ever seen online-EVER!

  • Randall Wendt

    Loved the above article and thoughts. I have been trying to figure out for many years how many people who profess to be great Christians act so far from Christ’s teachings. Recently I had a thought that maybe they only accept Christ as their savior on a very personal level, to ensure they make it into heaven. Once that is assured, in their own mind, by the acceptance they don’t have to worry about following what Christ taught and to hell with the unfortunate or anyone that isn’t like them. During a recent protest in Madison in support of working peoples’ right a friend went up to a group of people on the square who were promoting Christianity and told them that Christ would be there supporting the workers. His response was “well that would be his choice”. No connection with what Christ was all about.

  • You are right on! Thanks so much. I was sitting here wracking my brain trying to figure out what my column could be about this week. Duh (slap my head), this is Easter when we celebrate the resurrection of our Lord. What more fitting time to talk about our faith and how that makes us DEMOCRATS.

  • Henry Rinehart

    My god–what can I say to this, but that I agree with Otterglasses, at least as far as wishing that I’d had the inspiration to spread the word of Republican Jesus ™!!!

    You are, as far as I can tell, centered firmly on the pulse and message of White America, and I hope the nightmares you’ve been having about our future in this country aren’t as bad as the ones I’ve been having.

    I am not an atheist, but a Pantheist. Quite a leap from my Missionary Baptist upbringing, but like PleaseReadItAll the church did everything it could to drive me away, and I responded by leaving. They wanted me to be a missionary, though, and they got that part of my training right. . .

    For those who do not understand, Pantheism is the belief that God is manifest in everything. You are God, I am God, just as is the tree, the bushes down the hill, the hill itself, the stream you can see way over there, the sun that makes seeing the stream possible, the air you breath–well, hopefully by now you get the picture.

    If this is true, that God is in, part of, literally touching, everything, it agrees with Christian doctrine that God is Omnipresent, Omniscient, and Omnipotent. Well, maybe omnipotent doesn’t have to follow, but if doctrine has the other two right, they might be right about the third as well.

    Unfortunately, if all of this is true, Satan does not exist. The Christians believe that Lucifer rebelled against God and was cast down for it–but if God is everywhere, where was Lucifer cast down to? And when I ask Christians how Lucifer could have rebelled against God, they all tell me he grew prideful–

    Now please understand, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this. There is a group of people out there who truly believe that Lucifer, the best and brightest of God’s personal assistants, his Angels, was given so much power that he came to believe he could make war on God and win. This does not strike me as a rational belief, and the more I learned about the Bible and how it was written, the more I came to believe that while it might be an educational book in many different areas, overall it is bullshit, and the people who use it to promote their own misguided agendas KNOW that it’s bullshit, but also know that if you can make people believe in it you can build a power base that can topple kings. Or other forms of government, as we are watching happen today in the United States of America.

    Pedophile priests? Only possible if they KNOW the book they claim to worship is bullshit, and believe that they will never be held accountable for what they do here on earth. Pastors promoting the bombing of abortion clinics and the murder of abortion doctors and clinic workers? Only possible if they KNOW the book they’re using to justify the slaughter is bullshit, and believe they will never be held accountable for what they destroy here on earth.

    I could give more examples, but why bother? It’s not the religion at fault, it’s the people twisting the religion for their own bitter, bizarre, backwards, and barren ends who are to blame. It’s those people institutionalizing that religion, or any religion, until the institution becomes more important than the message and people will do anything to protect the institution, and their pampered places in it, that are the real problem.

    See, I told you I was a missionary. And you all thought I was joking. . .

    Unfortunately, the vast majority of Americans were never taught rational thinking, and since I was a young lad the educational landscape has become even more dismayingly bizarre. I was going out with a woman studying to be a teacher, and one evening she mentioned that they were learning how to maintain discipline in the classroom by what she called “variable response to disciplinary infractions.”

    According to her instructors, the punishment should never be the same for the same infraction. The possibility that you could be sent for a time out one day, be expelled for three days for the infraction on another, have your wrist slapped for the same infraction on a third day, and have nothing at all happen to you for the infraction on a fourth day was supposed to terrorize the children into not committing infractions at all.

    When I commented that what she was being taught to do was insane, and would produce insane people, her reply was, “this is what’s being taught now, and it’s very effective.” Yes, I replied, effective at making insane people for society to deal with.

    That was thirty years ago, and now I look around and understand how Cassandra felt. Things have gone from bizarre in this country to utterly insane, and most people just walk past and keep on keepin’ on. . .

    Again, I could continue, but it’s late, and I’ve rambled on enough here. Mr. Rosario, best of luck to you, it sounds like you have a lot of fans here–maybe your message will get through, and all of the sleeping Americans will wake up and do something about what a vocal, organized, financially well-backed minority wants to do to us all.

    That would be nice. I don’t want to be a slave. I just don’t see most people even being worried about that happening at this point, and that makes me

    Distressed,
    Henry Rinehart

    • beautifully said my brother, thank you..you “get” it…..Peace, Light, & Love

    • Don’t worry, dude… If the Confederacy already failed back then when whites were fighting against other whites (even back then the majority who disliked slavery), just imagine what that ideology has against it TODAY.

      Many of these extremist Christians have never set foot in New York City or Los Angeles and have no idea of the massive diversity and gigantic populations of really educated people living there.
      All you have to do is attend a swearing in of new Americans being held every month in every major city in the country and you will have an idea of what a foolish notion these right wing Christians have of “returning” to an America of the bygone years.

  • I think in the brain of some people there is a “understaning of satire” lobe and most “Republican Jesus” people just don’t have it…

  • Our father who art in Wall Street,
    Reagan be thy name.
    Thy wealth may come,
    Thy “Will” be non taxable,
    On Wall Street but not on Main Street.

    Give us this day our daily dividends,
    and forgive us our debts,
    Yet double the rate for those who owe us;
    and lead us not into socialism,
    but deliver us from Obama. Amen

  • Mary Moffroid

    I followed it all with interest until you got to the statement of our 60,000 year old planet. Our planet is closer to 6 million years old. So I lost your thread…

    • Henry Rinehart

      um, Mary–

      The Religious Right believes–really, truly believes–that the planet is slightly less than 6,000 years old, not 60,000–or the six billion or so that is probably closer to the truth.

      These same people believe that dinosaur bones are either planted there by Satan to make good Christians doubt their version of the truth, or that dinosaurs and humans coexisted–their stories get sort of confused, but it’s nice to know that they actually took something with them from those Saturday morning cartoons. While Fred Flintstone may not be historically accurate, he’s usually entertaining. . .

      Please don’t lose the thread.

      Distressed,
      Henry Rinehart

    • Actually, the Earth is around 4.7 BILLION years old.

    • ummm…..

      The OP said 6000 at the end, in complete sarcasm. Not sure where your numbers came from

  • Eric M Bleau

    It’s both.. But it’s very true. The far right loves to invoke the name of Jesus to win over the masses. The simple people who don’t follow true politics and just hear “God Bless this” and “My Lord and Savior”.. from politicians then they blindly follow them because “They must good God Fearing People!” I’m SOOO tired of Religion dictating politics and vice versa. Want to REALLY tick off a “God Fearing Right winger”? Hand them a Bible and show them that Jesus was a liberal and a progressive. He shook up the established religious right and politics of the time. He was there to help bring equality to all in life and stations of life… He called the fishermen to follow him and be his disciples. He walked and dined with a prostitute. He came into contact and cured the most socially unacceptable of people (Lepers). All things that “conservatives” today would NEVER do!

    • Henry Rinehart

      Eric M Bleau, aren’t you afraid they’ll ask you to give your bible back if you keep supporting reason, tolerance, love, understanding, education, a sense of history and the truth?

      The unfortunate truth is that our government is under attack, and the “simple people” who can’t be bothered to think for themselves, learn the truth, and follow their conscience are a calculated part of that attack.

      That it’s not their fault that the public education system failed to educate them on how to do research, how to learn and what their conscience is for just doesn’t matter anymore. It’s getting close to the time when the “simple folk” need to wake up and realize that the government that allowed them to be “simple folk” has been hijacked by some very sophisticated, very callous, and very greedy individuals who have a simple goal.

      They want to be kings. They want to carve the United States up into little fiefdoms where the only word of law is whatever they feel like declaring that day. These wealthy individuals already run their corporations that way, and are OUTRAGED that the United States government has DARED to tell them what they can and can’t do!

      And they’re well on the way to realizing that simple little goal, that simple dream of theirs. They don’t care who they hurt, who they poison, who they reduce to ruin–because kings don’t have to care about things like that, in their minds.

      Eric, they ALREADY KNOW what Jesus was, and what he stood for–and they laugh themselves silly every time they hear religious folk stand up for less regulation, lower taxes on the rich, and the free market that isn’t free, or even a market. Because the Religious Right is working full-out at making themselves, and everyone else in America, into slaves again.

      And the reason I said “again” is because that is effectively what institutionalized religion views its subjected peoples as. Slaves. You do what the priests say or you burn, either here or in the afterlife, depending on how pissed the priests are that particular day.

      America was started by a group of highly educated men who were students of history, and were tired of being slaves, economically and otherwise. They organized a revolt against their slave overlord, the King of England, and were successful in throwing off those chains.

      Then they drew up a compact for all the people of the United States, and called it a Constitution, and tried to abide by the laws of social interaction that it laid out. And, with some minor hiccups, it worked pretty well for quite a long time, keeping any one religion from gaining power over us all, and keeping the worst of the “Robber Barons” from becoming kings and riding roughshod over the “simple folk”.

      But now the rich have once again become entrenched in our society, and once again believe that because they want to rule as kings that somehow that desire gives them the right to destroy the compact that keeps that from happening.

      And God help us all, Eric, if they succeed.

      Distressed,
      Henry Rinehart

  • This should be accompanied by a Holly Near soundtrack, I Ain’t Afraid.

  • I’m dissapointed that in your attempt to attack those religious extremest in the Republican party you do exactly what you don’t like about them. You judge and sterotype and it is ok if you do it, right? I am not fond of those religous nutcases that push their agenda on me and call it Republican but I’m also not found of the extremist on the left that yell that I breath out too much carbon dioxide. In the end, you are no better than the people you pick on in your blog and just and constructive. Go do something and you wont have to worry about what they think or say.

    • Henry Rinehart

      Steve–

      Have you ever watched Glenn Beck, or listened to Rush Limbaugh? I’m betting that you’re nodding “yes” right now, so I’ll continue.

      What Mr. Rosario did here was not an “attack” of any nature. What he did was to instructionally parody a relatively small group of well-funded extremists who are, themselves, attacking our way of life and our government and Constitution.

      Glenn Beck stating that President Obama’s agenda will lead to the downfall of western civilization is an attack. Rush Limbaugh stating that he hopes our country will fail under the leadership of President Obama is an attack.

      That you cannot–or refuse to–differentiate between a teaching parable and a negative attack does not fill me with confidence that you can make an informed decision about who to vote for in the next election.

      You complain that Mr. Rosario is wrong for doing what he did, but you yourself stereotype “those people” as religious nutcases, and complain that they are pushing their agenda on you. So you believe that what the religious right is doing is wrong, but you complain that Mr. Rosario shouldn’t be actually saying it.

      Steve, I believe your heart is in the right place, as you say you don’t like extremists of any kind, left or right. I’m just concerned about where your head is, that you’re complaining about someone who actually has the courage to hold these so-called Religious Right hypocrites up to the light and expose what they REALLY stand for.

      Next time try not to just blurt out a criticism, then say you believe in it but the person saying it shouldn’t actually be saying it, then tell them to go do something–as if what incited your ire wasn’t actually something they did. Or, in other words, actually think about what you’re writing before you push the “post comment” button, please.

      Distressed,
      Henry Rinehart

      • Henry Reinhart,

        Are you the judge and jury for every opinion someone states? Like many others, I love this article and disagree with this article. I think it has very little political value to do anything more that stir up more negativity. On the other hand, Republican Jesus is everything I hate about religion and church.

        To me, Republican Jesus is that attitude that women should be brainless, subservient, and without a voice. It is the attitude behind the Bible Study I left after one night. The attitude expressed was that if women weren’t married with children (and the man being the head of the house), they were out of covenant with God. These are all things I attributed to a name I can’t repeat here, but in essence, is Republican Jesus.

        Henry, do you have anything to pick apart about what I said? You seem to think your logic and knowledge are far superior to others and that if they don’t measure up they shouldn’t speak. Like it or not, I said my bit.

  • Mark Tallman

    Let us renounce religion and embrace spirituality.

  • Secondbaseman Bill

    99% of all the scientists at the National Academy of Science do not believe in a god, while 99% of the general population does believe in a god. Go figure!

    Religion is the greatest hoax ever perpetrated upon mankind.

  • Secondbaseman Bill

    Check this out:

  • Cute Article….reminds me of “buddy jesus” from dogma, The only critic is the south used to be democrat….but overall, i feel ya!

    • The south “used to be democrat” because historically, the Democratic party was the party of conservatism, states rights, racism, etc while the Republican party was progressive.

      Without going overboard into a history lesson here, that all changed and the parties effectively “switched sides” during the 1912 election when William Taft (who was running for reelection against an inter-party challenge by former President Theodore Roosevelt) effectively kicked Roosevelt and the progressive wing out of the Republican party.

      The Democratic Party was happy to take them (which then caused conservative democrats to switch sides to voting Republican over the next 60 years) and that is where we are at now.

      For years, the “Solid (conservative, racist) South” was a Democratic stronghold until the Democrats passed the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Nixon capitalized on this with his “Southern Strategy” of “wink wink, nudge nudge” racism and since then, the South has been reliably Republican.

  • As with any religion, anyone can say he or she is a member, but is, in fact, perverting it. Conservatives as a whole give 30% more to charities than liberals despite liberals being richer on average. I work for a church and all the churches in my county contribute every month to a fund that helps *gasp* the poor who fall behind on rent or utility payments. In my spare time I work at the food bank which *gasp* helps the poor and whose major contributors are *gasp* churches. Anyone who truly believes any of the crap above is not a Christian and is not following Jesus. Period.

    • “Anyone who truly believes any of the crap above is not a Christian and is not following Jesus. Period.”

      Exactly! I’m glad you agree.

    • I seriously have to contest your statement that liberals are richer than conservatives. The top 1% of this country owns more material wealth than the bottom 80% and the vast majority of the top 1% (CEOs, business tycoons, etc. etc.) are very conservative. This, of course, owes to the fact that the “party of conservatism” also just so happens to be the party of cutting taxes for the uber-wealthy.

      It has been this way throughout our history. The Republican Party has always been pro-business and the wealthy love them for it.

    • No, conservatives give to church-based charities and LOCAL charities more. Liberals sort of get that we are not an island, and we typically donate not only to our communities, but to charities like Heifer International, Doctors Without Borders, Amnesty International-charities that do good works everywhere. The other thing about donating to a church? It’s usually to replace the roof on the church, or send the choir on a trip. Liberals donate time and money to more international organizations because we believe in helping not only people in our own neighborhoods, but in neighborhoods everywhere.

      And you are correct-anyone who believes the crap above is not a Christian.

  • In 1976 I did a dissertation on Humor in Religios. I learned that persons we would cosider “conservative” (In politics, religion, social mores, etc.) have little or no sense of humor. It looks like there is a modern day iteration of this if we consider the Stalinist government, or the nazi thing. and perhaps even the “contract” plut out on certain european cartoonists.

  • I love it when self-proclaimed “tolerant” liberals spew hate at everyone who doesn’t think like they do. Always entertaining.

    • Terry C - NJ

      How is this article “spewing hate”, Michael??????

      You people on the right just can’t stand anyone disagreeing with you or standing up to you, can you?

    • And I love it when conservatards trot the old “Silly liberal! Being intolerant of my intolerance means YOU are the intolerant one!” rejoinder back from the glue factory for another go. Seriously, that’s up there with “accusing white people of racism makes you racist against white people” as my favorite “stupid conservative attempt at ‘logic’”.

      • Henry Rinehart

        Thank you, Seth–

        Your comment moved me to post one of my own. I loved the way you put it, as it was both apt and true.

        Keep fighting ignorance and stupidity wherever you go, and bless you for trying.

        Distressed,
        Henry Rinehart

    • Henry Rinehart

      Michael, I notice that you most pointedly did NOT argue that anything Mr. Rosario stated was incorrect–

      Moving on, I’d like to address your definition of “spewing hate”. I want to know if it’s “spewing hate” to hold deceptive and hypocritical practices up to public scrutiny. I’d like your take on what espousing those deceptive and hypocritical thoughts and practices constitutes, as that certainly meets my criteria for the definition of “spewing hate and lies”–is “spewing hate” all by itself somehow different, and can telling the truth be considered by any reasonable person as “spewing hate”?

      As well, Mr. Rosario did not appear to me to be “spewing hate at everyone” who doesn’t think like he does. Instead, if you can equate telling the truth to “spewing hate”, he appeared to me to only be referring to Republican Jesus(tm) and White America, as painstakingly differentiated from white America by Mr. Rosario himself.

      I believe you’ll find, Michael, that your particular brand of bullshit doesn’t walk here, let alone fly. The only one “spewing hate” appears to be you, and while you claim to find Mr. Rosario’s parody or parable “entertaining”, what you truly appear to mean is so terrifying, because it’s so true, that you have no other recourse than to label it as something it’s not to try to keep that truth from setting you free.

      You appear to be enslaved by your own will, and fighting to keep that collar and those chains firmly clamped upon you.

      May God have mercy on you, and those like you.

      Distressed,
      Henry Rinehart

    • Hate? What hate? This article is on point, hilarious and, I’m guessing, a little too close to home for you. Knee jerk reactions and immediate name calling are usually an indication that something has triggered a visceral response, one you may not even be aware of. I love this article, mostly because it’s true and because it goes hand in hand with The Ten Commandments, Conservative Style, and at least three other articles addressing this exact issue, found elsewhere on this site. This is what liberals like to do-call out hypocritical behavior, and poke sticks at it until it calls us “self-proclaimed tolerant liberals” who spew hate. I actually don’t spew hate, I avoid hate at all costs. Trying to be a little more like Jesus, you know.

    • But I thought religious people put a high value on “speaking the truth” — or does that only apply when you’re bashing atheists and gays?

  • Lynda In Oregon

    Actually, the Pilgrims came to the New World not so much to escape religious persecution, as to ESTABLISH religious persecution in their particular flavor. Read anything about the harsh restrictions on time & place & manner & frequency of worship and the penalties for not complying.

  • At one point I considered myself a conservative christian republican, then the party went SO far right, that I look like a flaming liberal now. How is that possible? But I saw this coming as early as 1994 in local politics where the “christian” “right” was willing to do anything to win. You have captured the nature of the beast! They really think they are special and that anyone that does not believe like they do is not an American. I ask myself though, what chaos would be wrought if they did get their theocracy. Which denomination would get to rule? What holy wars would ensue?

    • Henry Rinehart

      Joy, for an answer to your question, please read up on the history of Europe, England, and the various countries of the Holy Roman Empire–you will quickly learn what kind of religious or “holy” wars, what kind of persecutions of nonbelievers, and what kinds of methods the so-called “Christians” would use on everyone they could get away with oppressing.

      The history of the Holy Roman Empire, the Catholic Church, the various Reformation faiths and the way they interacted with other peoples and religions reads like a horror story invented by a demented fiction writer–and the more you learn, the more you will wish that it was only fiction.

      There would be chaos, there would be interdenominational war, there would be unbelievable suffering–and the sect that won would be the sect that best catered to the kings that would by that time rule what was left of the United States, helped keep the poor compliant, and probably were the most cynical and least believing of the lot. My money would be on the Episcopalians or the Lutherans, the folks who worship the institution more than the message–but that might be Baptist bias showing up from my absorption in childhood.

      It would almost be worth giving the suckers what they keep asking for, if not for all the collateral damage they’d cause while fighting amongst themselves.

      Distressed,
      Henry Rinehart

  • I am overjoyed by your wonderful articulation in bringing to light the sad state of affairs, especially religion, in the United States today. Please, keep it up. For the good of us all, keep it up!

  • Bravo! Aren’t “good Christians” just the funniest people! I love how they always have to “tell” us how good they are. Shouldn’t we be able to see it in their actions or hear it in their everyday speech? They should have a show on Comedy Central and stop cluttering up our political system.

  • errr… well, *two* examples…

  • Luke 6:24-25 But woe unto you that are rich! for ye have received your consolation.

    Woe unto you that are full! for ye shall hunger. Woe unto you that laugh now! for ye shall mourn and weep.

    Luke 14:33 So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple.

    …one of many examples of Jesus condemning the accumulation of wealth.

    • PleaseReadItAll

      Jesus spoke often about wealth and poverty. To the poor he said, “Blessed are you poor, for yours is the kingdom of God,” (Luke’s version). To the rich he said, “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth,” and “go, sell what you have, and give to the poor.” When the rich turned away from him because they couldn’t follow his command he observed, “it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

      I was raised in a bible beating church. Spoil the rod spare the child. An “open bible” baptist/christian church. They spoke in tongues, the pastor laid his hands on people and “healed” their issues. (Isn’t channeling a gods powers a form of witchcraft? Nope, apparently only if you’re not Christian) Being gay was an abomination. Etc.

      I know the bible, I was actual on a “quiz” team and had to memorize full chapters of it. Every single person I went to church with was a hypocrite. All the adults had affairs within the church, including the pastor (with the youth pastors wife no less). The church drove me away from the church. Even as a young pre-teen I could read my required reading and understand that what was being preached to us, was not what we were meant to learn. That only the parts that mattered to them “the church” were what was held in regard, the rest was “well we can’t take EVERYTHING literally” Why? Why can’t we? If we can take one part, we can take them all, otherwise I’m forced to call baloney on it all. And lest you think I just went to a bad church, try several. Several bad churches. Everything the same.

      Me and God we have an understanding, if he does exist, he knows my heart. I am a good person, I don’t lie, steal, covet, or commit acts of hate or violence. I’m good to my family, my friends, anyone who crosses my path. I give when I can and I help the less fortunate every chance I get. I’m raising my children to be good, nice, kind heart-ed, productive members of society. When your christian children tell the fat kid at school that nobody likes them, my daughter hugs them and tells them they have a friend in her. When the spew that comes out of your mouth transfers to your child and they tell the boy at school who seems feminine and wimpy that he’s a “fag”, my daughter tells him to never mind them they are just jealous. We believe in being compassionate and loving our fellow man because we are all cut from the same cloth and that persons problem today could very well be our problem tomorrow. Not because a big man in the sky is threatening our everlasting soul, we his children, that he apparently loves so much. If that isn’t good enough for him, then apparently I’m a bad person and deserve to rot in hell. And frankly, I don’t want to be in heaven if it’s full of the example I get of his believers.

      • PleaseReadItAll

        ***whoops this was meant to be it’s own comment not in response to jcquick***

      • Sounds to me like you’re closer to God than most. You actually “practice” love for your neighbors.

        Love is the highest commandment, after all.

        God is love! (at least, mine is)

      • Henry Rinehart

        Brother!! My god, when my parents told me they left you at the hospital and that we’d never see you again, I was crushed–who’d believe we’d meet again here on this message wall?

        Seriously, your childhood and mine sound very similar. When I was a young teen I discovered that my church was getting ready to sell me into slavery–I was one of the ‘promising ones’ being prepared to minister to the poor, backward natives in Sierra Leone, for as long as I survived the poor, backwards natives. So much for being a Missionary Baptist in the Land of the Free. . .

        Keep on keeping on. Your description of how you’ve raised your children and how you live your life make me proud, and give me hope for the future. Maybe when we’re crucified for working for the common good we’ll be on the same hill, close enough to talk to one another during those final hours.

        Distressed,
        Henry Rinehart

  • Obviously, she was never taught that “do unto others” idea or where Jesus Himself says “whatsoever you do unto the least of these you do unto me” – you know – if you mistreat the poor, the disabled or the homeless or refuse to do anything for them, then you are mistreating or refusing to do anything for Jesus. That is the entire Gospel idea in one short phrase. I don’t know how these people can call themselves Christian and so blatantly not accept those words from He whom they claim to worship.

  • I’ve recently come to the conclusion that most modern day Republicans are more liek the Pharisees in Jesus’ time.

    They were really good at being the religious of the religious, but totally MISSED the point!

    Republican Jesus followers really need to dig into their Bibles a lot more & start talking a LOT less…

  • I am neither liberal or christian, but I adore your piece . thank you for sharing and making me smile, a simple act of kindness!

  • Sadly true, and so very well written. This is my state today: I want to share this article, but fear the reactions of my “friends” .. I will share, and wish people would understand the HATE that comes from these people. They will be our downfall.

    • Even more sadly, they’re operating as Satan’s inroads. Presuming there is a Satan. They’re very certainly Christianity’s downfall also.

      Hate, condemnation, hypocrisy and judgment were NOT the values espoused by Christ. Nor was a guaranteed life of perfect health and unimaginable wealth. There’s no allowing of what parts of Christ’s rules you follow or don’t, no adding new rules. Finally, there’s absolutely NO mention of republicans, democrats, socialism, communism or capitalism by name in the Bible. If those things aren’t mentioned by name, how can any of them be “specifically endorsed” or “specifically banned” by God as I’ve heard many Republican/Conservative leaning Christians or Christian leaning Republicans/Conservatives claim???

      • Henry Rinehart

        Let me start off by saying that I was brought up to be a Missionary Baptist, so you know where I’m coming from–and while I’m not a Missionary Baptist anymore, I’m still sort of a missionary–they got that much right. . .

        I no longer believe in Satan, having gained what I believe is a more complete (not complete, just more complete–I’m not insane) understanding of God. I believe there’s no need for any kind of Satan, that people who don’t listen to what God is actually saying to them are more than enough to cause all the problems we can handle.

        Rosie, I believe there is specific mention of the so-called Republicans in the bible, and everyone else who works against the betterment of mankind for any personal kind of greed. The bible calls them Pharisees, and made great pains to contrast their behavior and that of Christ. The Pharisees had grown rich, and prideful of their place in society, and weren’t about to let some upstart ruin it all for them, no matter what his message was. . .

        Sound familiar? The Bible may not be right in everything it says, but as with everything in the world, if you are of open and understanding mind you can learn something from it.

        What I learned is that sometimes the best of us, no matter how hard we try to make things better, are going to be crucified for it. I don’t want to be crucified, it’s supposed to hurt something fierce–but I’m not willing to turn my back on trying to make things better, either.

        My hat is off to Mr. Rosario, and if I have to be crucified in someone’s company, I hope it turns out to be his.

        Distressed,

        Henry Rinehart

  • Great thinking excellently presented. Thanks for sharing your (and our thoughts). Jo

  • True statements made, as I spent 27 years with Republican Jesus before I the last 5, wandering in the wilderness. I encourage Liberals who are filled with animosity toward Jesus Republicans to consider your lives, lest ye become an equally angry mob on the other side of the same fence, hurling your own rotten eggs and tomatoes.

    • Yeah. Let’s spread love and acceptance — not hate and negativity.

    • Henry Rinehart

      Boogs, I am not filled with animosity toward Jesus Republicans, I am filled with sheer terror.

      You are talking about a relatively small group of individuals who are organized and funded by a few very, very wealthy individuals who want to rip our government down and declare themselves kings. These wealthy individuals want the law of the land to be what they say, no more and certainly no less–and the religious right, the tea party, and the public media are all part of their plot to destroy America and our Constitution and replace it with the rule of the rich.

      And the truth is there, for anyone who wants to look at it. The smallest amount of effort will let anyone with a computer and access to the internet, access to a library, or even access to real news organizations and public broadcasting to gain access to the truth. People are shouting the truth, showing the truth, showing people how to find the truth–

      And most of the people they’re trying to reach just ignore the shouts, ignore the pleading, ignore the truth, have no desire to learn the truth, are much happier with the attractive lies that don’t require them to think or take responsibility for themselves.

      And you know it’s true–you said it yourself, in you post, that you know it’s true. But then you backpedal, and say don’t pay attention to the truth, and whatever you do don’t oppose the people who want to destroy our government because then, well, we’ll be opposers!

      Boogs, I don’t understand people like you, and sometimes I’m afraid even you don’t understand people like you. Maybe you need more time in the wilderness, or maybe you just need to take your courage in both hands and tell the people who want you to be a slave that enough is enough, and you’re going to fight them!

      And if you don’t fight them, and don’t speak out, and don’t complain, and one day find yourself being implanted with a radio frequency identification chip that has a little explosive charge and a deadly poison included in the capsule to make sure you stay a good little slave or become a dead one, don’t come to me and ask, “what happened?”

      Because you just won’t understand the answer.

      Distressed,
      Henry Rinehart

  • J. B. Trimarchi

    I actually suggested to a Christian, right-winger friend of mine that Jesus would want us to provide a social safety net to the poor and less fortunate in our country. This was mentioned pretty far into an argument we were having about the Health Care Bill. She knew I am an atheist. She responded that she wasn’t raised to spend her money on other people’s problems, she IS a good Christian, and what would I know about Christianity anyway? What she didn’t know about me is that I was raised a Southern Baptist and even went to Baptist Parochial School for awhile. I own more than one Bible and have read them. I’m active in the Unitarian church now, as an athiest, which teaches comparitive religion in Sunday school to its youth. So, yeah, I know a little bit about Christianity…and I stand by my assertion that Jesus wanted us to help the poor. I don’t feel bound by it to get into heaven, but I think it’s a really good idea! She didn’t. LOL

  • LBroili@yahoo.com

    Law Broili What’s with Facebook? I tried to “Like” this one but it wouldn’t let me it said: Unable to like this object because it is not accessible (it may have been removed or you may no longer have permission to see it). I had to go to the site to “Like” it. Are they monitoring us? Little control action or what??

  • Jim Billingsley

    it is a shame you have such a mistaken concept of Jesus.

    • I don’t mean to be argumentative because I think he has a very accurate view of who Jesus is and most extreme conservatives are the ones with the skewed view. Jesus preached love and peace. Jesus also said that we should be moral but that is common to all societies. In this context, i think the author is more poking fun of the misguided view points of some that take an entire religion and use it for their own personal gain.

    • Jim i do not think that he has this distorted view of Jesus. i think he just wrote a great satire on how a distinct political group has tryed to distort the image of our Lord to fit ther political agenda! every religion has people who try this and unfortunately ignorant individuals get the wrong impression. i for one am very happy that someone who dose not believe as i do can understand that Jesus that the rest of us fallow dose not fit in that box that some try to place him to fit there agenda

    • Terry C - NJ

      The right wingers are the ones with the distorted view of Jesus.

    • Carol Kerns

      You’ve missed the point — it’s the so-called “Christian Conservatives” who have a mistaken concept about Jesus. The cartoons are SATIRE.

  • Robert VanMeter

    That article was so funny, so true. I loved it! It made my day, I still have a shit eating grin on my face…BRAVO

  • You’re an ASS!

    • And you’re a Republican without an argument. Duh. Perhaps that’s redundant.

    • Please ReadItAll

      Nope. He’s honest.

    • Terry C - NJ

      My, how the right does excel at projection.

    • Henry Rinehart

      In what sense is Mr. Rosario an ass, since I’m presuming that you’re talking about him, obxshelley? Or are you saying that we’re all asses if we agree with him? Because I agree with him, and don’t believe I’m an ass–I wish you’d been a little more clear in your short, pithy assertion.

      Or, of course, we could consider the ass–a relatively patient, hardworking beast of burden whom entire civilizations have been built with the assistance of. If that’s what you were implying, then I guess I have to say “thank you”, although I don’t believe I deserve that great an accolade, though Mr. Rosario might.

      Or maybe you’re using an acronym–Annoyingly Self Sufficient, the great bane of self-pronounced kings and other rulers dependent on the sweat of the masses to sustain their palaces and easy way of life. I guess I’d have to say thanks to that, too.

      Or maybe you just caught a glimpse of yourself reflected in your monitor, and blurted out the first thing you realized about yourself.

      Please be more specific in the future, before you press the “post comment” button–that is, if your personal vocabulary contains more that the words “you”, “are”, “an”, and “ASS”. If it doesn’t, I’d be glad to sell you a computer with a vocabulary builder installed, so you can improve yourself.

      Distressed,
      Henry Rinehart

      • I think I may want to be an ASS too! Better than a ‘projector’! Hmmm, is that the proper spelling? I wasn’t thinking of the ‘machine’…or was I?

      • Thank you Mr. Rinehart, for replying as consicely and eloquently as possible to “hipyKenny”, “Rachelle B” and “Oxbshelley”. I had just written a few paragraphs on how I had both agreed and admired the way you responded to these people, however the captcha code was ‘invalidated’, and deleted my entire message. Therefore, I will keep this one as brief as possible – I am looking forward to your messages further on!

  • Thanks for writing this. As a Christian liberal I find myself wondering how what I read as a call to compassion and tolerance can be used by others as a rallying cry for hate. But that’s hardly unique to Christianity. The sad thing is that if you believe in something with a message, there’s always someone waiting in the wings to misuse that message.

    • barb stalvey

      I agree wholeheartedly !
      Nice to hear fom another Cristian liberal…(and some would think that is a oxy moron) !

    • when you take into account the New Testament is only about 5-10% filled with what Jesus spoke, I feel that Christians are more followers of Paul than Jesus

      • So they’re really more Paulians?

        So what do we then call the many pious followers of the prophet Pauly Shore?

        • Henry Rinehart

          PaulyShorians, of course–I don’t believe you even bothered to ask that question.

          Please, ask a harder one next time.

          Distressed,
          Henry Rinehart

      • I’ve often been dumbfounded at how people pull only what they want (“I like the Gospel of John”) and emphasize what they choose (gays = abomination is definitely not equivalent to seafood = abomination)… I just don’t understand how peoples mind just simply stop thinking and it all makes sense at a certain point… where that point is clearly not the end. Not sure if that makes sense…

      • Henry Rinehart

        Yes, HippieKennie, and what I believe to be the truth about the current Christian religion is even more bizarre than that. . .

        I was raised a Missionary Baptist, so I know that Paul was originally Saul, the son of a prominent moneyed family who had accepted the task of stamping out the budding Christians. He did this for years, going from one town to the next, exposing the Christians in each town and sending them to their deaths at the hands of the local constabulary and priests.

        Then, one day, according to the story, on the road between two of the towns, fresh from the slaughter of one group of Christians, Saul heard a voice from the sky asking, “Why do you persecute my people?” He fell to the road, blinded by terror, and realized that he was wrong! What he was doing was wrong!

        So, still according to the story, he went to the next town and told them of his sins, told them he had repented of his wicked ways, and took the name Paul so that he might atone for his previous sins by working for Christianity, rather than against it. . .

        That’s the story, and anyone moderately well-versed in Bible lore can repeat it blindfolded.

        However, I personally believe that it all went a little differently than the story states.

        I have had a lot of experience with rich people, and most of them are EXTREMELY resistant to any change that could threaten their position–unless it improves their position, makes them wealthier, more powerful. Then they embrace it with alacrity that an Olympian could envy.

        I personally believe that Saul had grown tired of going from town to town, exposing Christians and having them put to death, because it seemed to him that he’d never actually get them all. I believe that he went and spoke with some of the savants of his time, wanting to know how he could destroy this growing threat once and for all.

        I believe one of them convinced him that the only way to destroy a vital, growing organization was to attack it from within, twisting and perverting it until it no longer reflected the core values it had originally espoused. I believe that Saul considered that, worked it around in his head until, one day on the road to the next town, he had an epiphany!

        Since Christianity was growing, he realized he could help it spread, while slowly changing the direction it was going! Instead of small collections of people concerned with their freedom to worship Christ’s teachings, he could institutionalize it, get the groups of Christians to each donate a small amount every week to helping institutionalize it, and become even richer than he currently was!

        So, knowing as much about Christianity as he did, he took the path guaranteed to play on their vulnerabilities, provide him with a certain amount of fame in their accounting, and then used his connections to make things a little easier on the widespread groups of Christians–for a share of the profits.

        So yes, HippieKennie, I believe you’re right, and they should actually be considered Saulians–and that, of course, explains the Catholic Church and its love of wealth, since Saul was the rock on which that church was founded. . .

        It also explains why so many Christians are so good at ignoring the suffering around them while still considering themselves to be Christian–the original message was perverted, and continues so to this very day.

        Distressed,
        Henry Rinehart

        • rebecca geppert

          Hey Henry,
          Why the hatred towards the gospel? You must believe that some of it is true because you talk about the story of Paul. Ask yourself a question,(why do you believe some of the Bible and not the rest?)Does this makes any sense to believe the story written about a man named Paul? It takes faith to believe in something you haven’t seen! just a thought! Have a great day. Becky

        • alephsvision

          *very* well stated … I appreciate your clear exposition of this concept, which eludes many people’s willingness to consider (as potential ‘reality’).

          true/false ? I don’t really know, and perhaps this can never be “known”, but your explanation certainly does a worthy job of describing the world that *I* seem to see out there.

        • I think you have perfectly described something I’ve been pondering for years. This sounds true to me. Thank you!

        • maybe it would make sense except for the fact that Paul didn’t have much money preaching the gospel, he talks about doing his own so he wasn’t a burden to the new churches and even worked as a tent maker at one point) and was in prison most of the time under persecution…

        • While I, of course, was there no more than you were, this sounds amazingly likely. I find this version far more likely, for example, than the Biblical version — and who’s to say that Saul himself was the one responsible for rewriting it? Perhaps it was later sanitized during editing — after all, there’s already a wealth of evidence that parts were omitted from the book altogether, so why not sanitize other parts that don’t appeal to the leaders of the time?

          Oh, that’s right. Because the Bible wasn’t written by man, but instead God Himself handed the first bound copy to King James, right? Amazing what some believe these days.

        • There aren’t enough words in the English language to explain how disappointing I find your interpretation of New Testament texts to be. As an American, you’re entitled to your own views. God forbid anyone should attempt to convince you that you could be wrong, or they could be labeled a radical Christian indoctrinator. I just think it’s low and classless on your part to take something that many people, both in America and across the globe, consider an integral part of their faith and pervert it to fit your own political views.

        • That was great storytelling, till the end, where you mistakenly named (S)Paul as the “rock” upon which the Catholic Church was built…that, my friend, was in fact Peter, originally known as Simon the fisherman.

          credibility<=smithereens.

        • Really… here is something extremely well written and in my opinion someone that is actually thinking for himself!

          Good stuff!!! Keep going!!!

        • AND… I would state that while the Catholic Church is “whatever”… we must also recognize that there have been many followers that actually did try to do good things in the name of the Church.

          My comments to Brenna… It is completely possible that God actually DID hand the written words to King James or whoever or whatever… It is actually possible that the world as we know it was created 6000 years ago and God created it so that it would appear through “science” that it is 50 billion years old or whatever… All of that IS possible… because after all… if there is an all powerful creater… well… he can / could do what he wants.

          BUT… I don’t think you should be “upset / angry” at a post that offers differing opions than yours. And I KNOW that God and JESUS will absolutely NOT be upset about such a “thought provoking” post as what has been written here. If anything… I believe GOD and JESUS would embrace it!!!

    • I like your point SUNSHINE stating “there’s always someone waiting… to misuse [the] message”.

      The sarcastic tone of this article is fun to read. However, it is guilty of what it accuses others. “Republican Jesus™ hates Muslims. Muslims are scary because some of them do bad things to innocent people. That makes them all evil terrorists.” Yes there are some Muslims that do awful things but then there are only some Republicans that are guilty of your accusations.

      I wholeheartedly agree that many of the Republicans seen on tv say things that are directly in contrast to what Jesus taught. But it is not all of them. Although I am not part of either party, I am a Christian and my views are most closely aligned with Republican views. With that being said, I do not believe homosexuals are an “abomination” (see my facebook note “Grace”), I do not believe marriage is being “attacked” by equal rights (see “An individual effort to change the world”), I love science and believe it gives us a better understanding of what God created, I believe humans should “live and let live” and would never consider calling anyone names because they have different views that me. There are tons of other organizations, people and public icons (xxxchurch.com, Revolution Church, Mike Huckabee, “Lord Save Us From Your Follows”, to name a few) Republican, Independent, Democratic, Liberals; all Jesus followers that feel the same way.

      I totally understand the lashings you dished out to the Republican community because it is well deserving. But don’t throw all of us in the same boat because we are not all the same. Some of us actually want to follow the real Christ and not the christ comprised to work towards human benefits.

      • Please ReadItAll

        You weren’t ALL being thrown in the same pot. He made it very clear that he was talking about those who follow “Republican Jesus”, which is what the majority of followers are throwing their hats in with (or…the ones who speak the loudest). Unless while reading this you were saying “What’s his point? That IS true. We don’t want poor people breeding” etc… then he wasn’t talking about YOU. If you took offense to this it’s probably because somewhere in your heart it sounded familiar so you felt the need to justify. If not, congratulations! Thank you for being a Christian and not a hypocrite, for that I can respect you. That being said. SPEAK LOUDER. It’s time for you Christians with a brain in your head to stand up and fight back and let it be known that these wack jobs don’t speak for you. Be louder then them. Talk to them, lead them to understand the error of their ways. Don’t waste your time on obvious liberal thread arguing how you’re not all, and especially not you, like those that are being talked about. That’s a waste of your time. Talk to your people, your fellow believers, for they are they truly lost in your religion. And until enough of you stand up and say “They are not talking about MY God, they do not represent MY faith, I do NOT advocate their spreading hate in God’s name”, and say it loud enough to be heard over the nut-jobs that currently represent your beliefs, the nation and, just so you know WORLD, will continue to be scared of you religious nuts being in leadership roles of MY country. Extremist are extremist no matter what religion they use for an excuse.

        • Talking to a person, liberal or not is never a waste of time. Reading a cleverly written blog that is lashing people, as I said before, are deserving of a lashing is not a waste of my time.

          I was not stating that this blog was “throwing us all in the same pot”. The sentence you are referring to is a request that liberals, atheists, agnostics, whoever would see that “Republican Jesus™” is a minuscule part of who Christians really are. It just so happens they have the microphones and pulpits right now, but that is changing.

          I don’t take offense at all to this blog. I think Christians need to read it and see how they look in the eyes of non-Christians. As for not being a hypocrite, thanks, but I am and I will be the one of the first to raise my hand to admit it. I won’t always get everything right in my faith. Christians have REALLY big shoes to fill. If having the perfect example of Jesus Christ wasn’t enough, our laws are published in 100s of translations all over the world. They are posted in courthouses and public places all over America. It is a rarity to find someone who is not familiar with them. However, non-Christians don’t have this publicized code of conduct. For this reason, it is easy to judge us, label us and condemn us.

          • Henry Rinehart

            Excuse me, Rachelle, but did you actually read what you wrote? Before you posted it? Because there are one or two little things about what you wrote that I’d like to point out to you. . .

            Which Republican views is Christianity most closely aligned with? Thou shalt have no other gods before Me? Because that’s PRECISELY the Christian view, or should be if you follow the ten commandments–but the Republican view should be that Congress shall make NO law respecting ANY religion, as is written in the Constitution–read the bill of rights sometime, and try your best to understand that the Founding Fathers wanted the Congress to have nothing at all to do with declaring one kind of religion as preferred over another, since most of them had studied actual history and knew what that kind of thing inevitably led to. . .

            That said, I will jump the rest of the extremely strange things that you implied–oh, wait, I have to mention that Mike Huckabee is one of the problems, as he is one of the presidential candidates from the last attempt who stated on national TV that he did NOT believe in evolution, who has repeatedly stated on different shows that he would “govern as a Christian first”–implying that he would speedily undermine all of the separations of church and state currently promised by the Constitution, making a mockery of the people who have fought and died to keep our Constitution safe from people like–well, like Mike Huckabee, for one, and Rush Limbaugh and the Koch brothers, and the Bushes, and many, many others. . .

            But, if you’re still with me after all of the above, the part that cried out to me, that begged me to reply to your post, is the part where you wrote, “Some of us actually want to follow the real Christ and not the christ comprised to work towards human benefits.”

            Interesting that you actually failed to capitalize “christ” when you associated that thought with working toward human benefits. Thank you for admitting that your brand of Christians neither want human benefits for anyone, nor will they tolerate Christ and his teachings being associated with the strictly human tendency to work toward human benefits. You are obviously familiar with the passage where Christ, in the New Testament, says “I am not come to bring peace, but to bring fire and the sword.” (not the actual quote–I made it a little more readable for modern English. It’s really what he’s attributed to have said, though. . .)

            Lady, you, specifically, and everyone who believes the way you do, are nuts. Clinically. The New Testament part of the bible is full of testaments to Christ SPECIFICALLY “working toward human benefits”, but you indicated in your post that you aren’t interested in that Christ. Rachelle, it’s people like you who Justin Rosario is talking about in his article, who think the Christian Religion and the so-called Republicans believing in the same misguided things is just peachy.

            I don’t think you’re much of a Christian, Rachelle, and I sincerely hope that you and everyone like you are too busy praying to whatever you believe in to make it to the polling booth on the next Presidential election. Or that you grow up a little before then, examine what it is you truly believe in, and decide that maybe working toward human benefits is better than working away from them after all.

            Distressed,
            Henry Rinehart

        • I totally agree.My own father is one. More like a cult member.I know he’s intelligant enough to understand logically his beliefs make no sense in the context of being a follower of jesus.His hatered for liberals(i happen to be one)jews fags niggers mexican but loves jesus.Its so simple to see to see the incogruity. BUt he’s oblivious. Because he won’t look at it.He does not want to risk upsetting his fantasy world he lives in. Where he’s a great guy ,father and a chosen one. And he will live forever.And never has to face his own mortality. Personaly I think it’s a cop out.Man up a face the facts we’re all going to die. Take it like a man you pussy. Sorry little venting. So i see it first hand. But yes you need to correct your miss guided brothers if you belive. Which is another story.But if you do then belive it for christ sake

        • Very well stated. Bravo!

        • Danny Stevenson

          Amen! That’s what I’ve been telling my so called Republican friends! When they say Not Me and not all Republicans are like that! Then I tell them just what you said! Why do you let these Nut Jobs Speak for you! There are things about the True Republican Party that I can agree with! Like keeping the government out of our personal lives! But they do everything to get in to our personal lives and shove their view of religion down our throats!

    • “…there’s always someone waiting in the wings to misuse that message.”

      True statement, unfortunately.

      It’s easy to hear only what you want to hear, and use it accordingly.

      Now, TRUTH — that takes a lot of work. Most people either don’t want to take the time to understand, or they just don’t want to hear it.

  • When you were a kid, you were taught that the Pilgrims fled to the New World to escape religious persecution? I hope it wasn’t a history teacher who told you that. The Pilgrims already had complete religious freedom in the Netherlands. They came to America because they didn’t want their children to grow up speaking Dutch better than they spoke English.

    • Half correct. Before they came to Holland, they were subject to religious persecution in England. They were free to do as they pleased in Holland, but it was indeed the language issue which caused them to leave.

    • Don’t forget their slow realization that the Dutch companies were quietly wearing them down and attempting to beat them to the New World – what was their first ship, The Sea Blossom or something? It had been over-masted so that they would have to return to port and delay the journey. They were running out of time…

      • Their first ship was the Speedwell. And it wasn’t a question of the Dutch “beating” them to the New World.
        The Puritans had arrived in Virginia from England in 1607, whereas the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock in 1620, 13 years later. That the Dutch wanted to “beat” them, even if they had, there was already a well established settlement not far to the South. Either way, the Dutch would not have been the first *Northern Europeans to arrive in the New World.

        *Of course the Portuguese and the Spanish, Southern Europeans, had arrived a good 150 years beforehand, as St. Augustine, FL is significantly older than both Jamestown and Plymouth.

        • Neither Puritans nor Pilgrims went to Virginia. The original Virginia settlers went for economic reasons and were not religious separatists. The Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock in 1620, and the Puritans came to the Boston area a few years later.

        • Not to mention that Druids arrived on the continent in the years before 1000 AD. This is now irrefutable as there are hundreds of stone cut writings throughout New England and Canada. Also, a number of Native American oral history contains stroies of “White Gods, red beards, blue eyes and big ‘canoes’” arriving in their midst. Their arrival was so dramatic they were immirtalized in song and ceremony (see O-Keepa by George Catlin who found blue stones among their treasures, stones only found in parts o Wales, UK)

          • Hey, what about the Native Americans who were here? All those European,including Druids, were INVADING this land- which to me was the begining of the “Republican Jesus” Stuff. Europeans came here already feeling entitled to what was not theirs. I will give the Druids credit, they visited, not conquered.

    • excellent point! It’s so very very true.

    • True, but they also came to the “New World” so they could practice THEIR religion, not to celebrate a place where all religions are tolerated.

    • Henry Rinehart

      I learned it in Bible School–regular school only barely touched on the early settlements, and the Puritans and Pilgrims were only mentioned (probably inaccurately) for their contribution of Thanksgiving as a spiritual observance. I wasn’t surprised to learn, later in college, that the Dutch idea of religious freedom was anathema to the Puritans, and they came to the new world as much to escape Dutch license as they had fled from England to avoid persecution for their beliefs there.

      The Puritans believed that if you didn’t believe what they believed, you were Satan’s tool and they could not share a land with you. Which explains a lot about the current state of Christianity in this country, as the Puritans were less about humanity and more about fire and the sword.

      Unfortunately for the Indians, and for all of us today. . .

      Distressed,
      Henry Rinehart

  • otterglasses

    this is a true thing of beauty. thank you for articulating so concisely and accurately the insanity that is the republican christian hypocrisy movement. the line about talking to the grown-ups is my absolute favorite. i wish i were you right now and had written this piece myself!!

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