REVEALED! Secret Obama Memo To Legalize ’12 New Perversions’ Like Pedophilia And Bestiality

Okay, it’s time to fess up. We liberals have been busted! All along, gay-hating right wingers have been saying that we’re just using marriage equality as a Trojan Horse to legalize bestiality and pedophilia. Well, it looks like the jig is up!

Tom Delay, the pious yet scandal-ridden former Republican House Majority Leader, has somehow gotten his hands on a, I kid you not, “secret memo” that details our nefarious liberal agenda:

“We’ve already found a secret memo coming out of the Justice Department,” DeLay claimed. “They’re now going to go after 12 new perversions, things like bestiality, polygamy, having sex with little boys and making that legal. Not only that, but they have a whole list of strategies to go after the churches, the pastors, and any businesses that tries to assert their religious liberty. This is coming and it’s coming like a tidal wave.”

Here’s the video proof that the memo is totally real:

Dammit! We have to find the leak and silence them!

Now, a cynical person might wonder how Tom Delay got a hold of this “secret memo” or why it hasn’t made the front pages of every newspaper in the country, but we simply must take his word for it. After all, Tom Delay certainly knows about perversion. This is a man who once killed legislation that would have ended forced prostitution and forced abortions in sweatshops in the Northern Mariana Islands for his good friend and fellow convicted felon Jack Abramoff, so you can trust that he has the word of Jesus in his heart.

But in all seriousness, it’s amazing to watch how far the right-wing has gone into the tinfoil hat fringe. Tom Delay is not some random schmuck off the street. He used to be one of the most powerful Republicans in the country. He’s lost a great deal of his stature since then, but he’s far from inconsequential. Yet, here he is, peddling in loony conspiracy nonsense.

And “peddling” is the perfect word. Tom Delay is selling crazy talk to the borderline insane people that make up a great deal of the Republican Party’s base. Feeding the fear, rage and paranoia of bitter white people who feel that they’re being “persecuted” is a very lucrative business. That it regularly incites violence is unimportant to people like Tom Delay. As long as he can cash his fat paycheck, who cares if hate crimes against gay men and women spike across the country? So what if a young white supremacist massacres 9 black people in a church? Tom Delay is gettin’ paid!

I’d take the time to debunk the “gay-bestiality/pedophilia connection” but, frankly, if you still don’t understand why this is 100% fact free hateful gibberish by now, there’s nothing I can say that will help you.

In the meantime, the rest of us can sit back and watch the American right wing self destruct in real time. Any political movement this detached from reality is not sustainable. In the short run, a lot of con artists like Tom Delay (and Ted Cruz and Rand Paul and Donald Trump and Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh and Alex Jones, etc .etc.) will make a lot of money. In the long run, this business model will fail completely and take the entire Republican Party with it.

It will be both glorious and terrifying to behold.