THANKS, OBAMA: TN Woman Caught Counterfeiting Cash Claims Obama Said She Could (IMAGE)

The Skunk labels itself as “tasteless American satire for the ill-informed” — but that’s exactly where one Tennessee woman apparently gets her news. Pamela Downes of Kingsport was caught counterfeiting money because she believed that President Barack Obama had created a new law that allows Americans to print their own money, according to a police report.

Downes first came to the attention of police when they were called to a local grocery store Sunday. A gas station clerk told police that a white female had handed him a $5 bill that he believed to be counterfeit. Upon reviewing the bills, police found that they were, indeed, counterfeit — and not even good counterfeit, either! The $5 in question had been printed on regular computer paper and glued together, but was falling apart.

When police caught up with Downes, she claimed that she had received the money from a gas station a few days ago, but it was folded and she did not inspect it more closely. However, when police searched her purse, they found another fake bill. The $100 bill was printed in black and white, and the back was glued on upside-down. Police also found a receipt showing that Downes had purchased a printer and paper — the same printer and paper used to print the faux money.

“I don’t give a f*ck, all these other bitches get to print money so I can too,” Downes said as she was placed in handcuffs.  While in custody at the Kingsport City Jail, the hapless counterfeiter said that she had “read online that President Obama had made a new law that permitted her to print her own money because she is on a fixed income,” reports the Kingsport Times-News.

Unfortunately, Downes is apparently unable to properly understand what she is reading, either. This criminal mastermind’s “information” seems to come from a satirical publication called The Skunk, which clearly notes its satirical nature in plain view:

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Even if the article from which she seems to be drawing her information were factual, Downes somehow managed to understand what she was reading about as well as she creates fake money — which is, unfortunately, not well at all. The piece, a satirical take on Republican claims that the President was “printing money” to offset the massive debt he was allegedly accumulating, states not that a law had been passed, but that Obama had urged Congress to pass a law allowing Americans to just print whatever cash they need right from their own living rooms:

“This financial crisis is just too big for our resources in Washington,” said Obama.  “The government printing presses literally cannot keep up with the demand for new currency.”

The White House put forth a plan to distribute 375 million printing presses to every man, woman and child in the nation, so they can print their own U.S. currency. “For those who have lost their jobs and are behind in their mortgage payments,” said Obama, “when this legislation passes you’ll be able to crank up your own printing press and create the cash you need, right from your own living room.”

Obama has called upon Congress to pass the “Individual Currency Printing” legislation, estimated to cost taxpayers $4 trillion.  “Printing presses aren’t cheap; they’re not free.  We need this money to purchase the printing presses so that all of our citizens have the opportunity to print their own money — not just Washington hotshots.”

Republicans blasted the plan, saying that allowing individuals to print unlimited money without giving them a tax break will have no effect.

“How will this stimulate the economy?” asked Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC).  “There’s no guarantee people will even spend the money they print.  They might print it and put it right into a savings account, or use it to pay off credit cards, or just decorate their walls with it.”

“No one’s going to work anymore,” declared Senator John McCain (R-Az). “They’ll just stay at home and print money to buy things that are no longer available, because no one has incentive to manufacture them — or to get out of bed in the morning.”  McCain said he would have been more comfortable with the bill if it excluded people who are already collecting welfare.

The satirical article claims that the only human-orange crossbreed in Congress, John Boehner, blasted the plan, calling it “tantamount to legalized counterfeiting” The fictional “Boehner,” of course, conceded that he would consider supporting the bill if the privilege of printing money only was given to the wealthy.

Downes signed a consent to search waiver allowing police to look through her apartment, where they found paper, scissors, glue, and the infamous printer — as well as between $30,000 to $50,000 in both cut and uncut bills that are less realistic than Monopoly money.

To make matters worse, this was not the first time she had attempted to pass off her fake bills as real. The Times-News notes that she was busted earlier this month attempting to pass a fake $100 at a restaurant:

While the reporting officer was doing paperwork, another report was found where Downes had attempted to pass a $100 bill at an area restaurant earlier in July. The bill was falling apart and did not have any marking to show it was real. Downs reportedly told that officer she received the bill from an Exxon in Greeneville.

In other words, Downes believed satire from 2009, thought it was current, fudged the details severely, printed money, got caught, completely failed to reassess her strategy and adapt after the first mishap, printed more money, got caught, and then blamed Obama.

Thankfully, this master criminal was caught, and the streets are safe once more. She has been charged with criminal simulation and counterfeiting.

THANKS, Obama!


Featured Image via Wikimedia Commons/Times-News